Only laughing on the outside

I have stories cut in my flesh
I can't ignore them anymore
I reach for what's already lost
and i can feel it slip away
I pray for the streetlights to go out
because i still can't fall asleep
My mind still follows lost words
And thinking of you still hurts

They say that time heals wounds
But some wounds last forever
I am no longer fine
And i can't keep up the illusion
I am standing in my room
Push my head against the door
And i really hoped, you realized

I'm only laughing on the outside

And now I see
       for the first time
Fooling people isn't that hard
       i have a smile cut in my face
Because love has led me astray

And as my arms go numb
My hands are shaking
I have a sad song in my blood
It is sounding from the floor
And it feels like a broken record
I know i had this all before